The Carrot & The Stick: Finding the Motivation to Follow Through
Why do we consistently do some things even when we don’t want to — but can’t make ourselves do other things we really want to do?
It’s not just about enjoyment. Most of us don’t enjoy going to work, doing laundry, cooking dinner, or paying bills — but we do them anyway. On the other hand, we might want to work out, learn a new skill, or finally make a budget, yet we never quite get around to it.
The difference isn’t desire. It’s motivation.
You go to work because you know you’ll get fired if you don’t.
You pay the bills because you know you’ll lose your house if you skip them.
But skipping a workout? Learning that hobby “later”? There’s no real consequence, and the reward feels distant.
Motivation is the key that unlocks consistent action. It’s not enough to have a good reason — it has to be a compelling one.
And that’s not just true of daily life. It’s true of the Christian life, too.
Why Motivation Matters for Obedience
As a pastor, I tell people every week about things they should do — love one another, forgive, serve, share, speak kindly. Most people agree those are good things. But agreement isn’t enough. If there’s no compelling motivation, we won’t follow through.
The apostle Peter understood this. In his first letter, written to believers scattered across Asia Minor, he lays out gospel truths and practical commands. But as he nears the end (1 Peter 4:8–11), he distills it down to four essential commands — and ties them to a powerful motivation.
Peter knows that simply handing us a list of things to do isn’t enough. These commands are difficult. They require effort and sacrifice. And the only way we’ll live them out consistently is if we have a strong reason — a carrot to pursue or a stick to avoid.
The Motivation Behind Obedience: The Carrot and the Stick
Peter gives us two complementary motivations in verse 11:
“...in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
— 1 Peter 4:11 (ESV)
Here are the two sides of that motivation:
1. The Carrot: Glorify God and Honor Christ
Every act of obedience is an act of gratitude and worship. Jesus brought us to God through His sacrifice. Our response should be to live in a way that honors Him.
Every time we sin, we’re reminded of the forgiveness given before we were born.
Every time we fail, we’re reminded of His grace that covers our failure.
Every time we choose obedience, we’re saying, “Thank You” to the One who saved us.
If that reality truly grips us, it becomes a powerful motivator. We obey because we want to make Him proud, to glorify the One who gave everything for us.
2. The Stick: Remember Who’s in Charge
If gratitude isn’t enough to move us, reverence should be. God is not just Savior — He is Lord. We will answer to Him for our obedience or lack of it.
He is the ultimate authority.
We are accountable to Him first and last.
Every act of disobedience is something we will one day give an account for.
For some people, the “carrot” is more motivating — the joy of honoring God. For others, the “stick” is more sobering — the reality of accountability. Peter offers both. Choose the one that drives you to obedience.
Four Commands That Depend on the Right Motivation
Peter then gives four instructions — four actions that are not easy, but are essential. And each one requires the right motivation to follow through.
1. Love One Another Earnestly
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
— 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)
Above all means this is the top priority. Everything else flows from here.
But Peter isn’t talking about phileo — brotherly affection. He’s talking about agape — unconditional, sacrificial love.
Agape love is a decision, not a reaction. It’s not based on how someone treats you or how you feel about them. It’s a choice to act in love no matter what.
Actions of love produce feelings of love. Don’t wait until you “feel” loving to act lovingly. The feelings often follow the obedience.
“Earnestly” means with effort. It’s a word used of running hard — loving to the point of being out of breath.
Peter says this kind of love “covers a multitude of sins.” He’s not talking about atoning for sins against God — only Jesus does that. He means offenses against us.
When someone hurts your feelings.
When someone wrongs you.
When someone is difficult to love.
Choosing to love unconditionally “covers” those offenses — not by ignoring them, but by removing them as a barrier to peace and unity.
In short:
Make unconditional love your top priority.
Choose to act in love even when you don’t feel like it.
Let love overlook and absorb personal offenses.
2. Show Hospitality Without Grumbling
“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”
— 1 Peter 4:9 (ESV)
We often think of hospitality as “welcoming guests into our homes.” That’s part of it, but the biblical idea is much bigger. The Greek word literally means “love of strangers.”
In ancient Jewish and Greek culture, welcoming strangers was a deeply held value — sometimes to a fault. Abraham hosted strangers who turned out to be angels (Genesis 18). Lot insisted on sheltering visitors in Sodom (Genesis 19). This practice was so ingrained that Hebrews 13:2 reminds us:
“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
Peter flips the cultural expectation. He says the same radical welcome you’d offer a stranger should be extended to your brothers and sisters in Christ.
What does that look like?
Be welcoming and kind to the people God has placed in your life.
Share what you have — your time, resources, home, meals.
Treat others like honored guests — even when you’re not in your own house.
Do it without grumbling — not out of obligation, but out of love.
Ask yourself: What would I do for a guest in need? Now, do that for the people around you every day.
3. Use Your Gifts to Serve Others
“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace...”
— 1 Peter 4:10 (ESV)
Your abilities — whether natural talents or spiritual gifts — are not just for you. They’re entrusted to you for the good of others and the glory of God.
Peter gives two examples:
a. Speaking Gifts
“...whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God...”
— 1 Peter 4:11a
Words are powerful. They shape how people think about themselves, others, and God.
A careless comment from childhood can shape someone’s self-image for decades.
A harsh word can crush someone’s spirit.
A thoughtful word can encourage and heal.
If you have the ability to teach, lead, or communicate, use it carefully and wisely. Your words are not just yours — you speak on behalf of God. Don’t use them for manipulation or self-promotion. Use them for building up and pointing people to truth.
b. Serving Gifts
“...whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies...”
— 1 Peter 4:11a
Service comes in many forms — leadership, organization, practical tasks, acts of mercy. Whatever form it takes, serve with two aims:
Serve with God’s strength. Rely on His power, not your own. That might mean strength to endure criticism, strength to keep going when you’re tired, or strength to stay humble when others don’t notice.
Serve for God’s glory. If you focus on the people you’re serving, you’ll get tired and resentful when they’re ungrateful. But if you focus on serving Him, service becomes worship.
Why Motivation Makes All the Difference
These four commands — love, hospitality, speaking carefully, and serving — are easy when the people around us are grateful and reciprocate. But what about when they’re not?
When someone is rude, it’s hard to keep being patient and kind.
When someone is ungrateful, it’s hard to keep sharing.
When others use their words carelessly, it’s tempting to respond in kind.
When your service is taken for granted, it’s hard to keep serving.
If your motivation is tied to their response, you will eventually quit. But if your motivation is tied to Him, you can endure.
You don’t love because they’re lovable. You love because He loved you first.
You don’t share because they’re grateful. You share because He shared everything with you.
You don’t speak carefully because they deserve it. You speak carefully because you represent Him.
You don’t serve because they appreciate it. You serve because He served you first.
When the motivation is right, obedience becomes sustainable. And over time, God begins to produce in you the feelings that match your obedience.
Action produces emotion. Obedience leads to transformation.
When Ministry Hurts
This isn’t theoretical for me. As a pastor, I genuinely love the people in my church. I don’t always feel that love naturally — it’s something God has produced in me as I’ve chosen to obey Him.
There are moments when that love is painful:
When someone I’ve poured into sits in my office and tells me I don’t care.
When they compare me to other pastors and say I fall short.
When they speak harsh words that make me want to retreat into my shell and stop loving.
It hurts. It makes me want to quit. But I don’t stop — because my love for them isn’t ultimately about them. It’s about Him. And He hasn’t changed.
The same is true for you. You are called to love, share, speak, and serve — not because others deserve it, but because He does.
When Church Hurts Too
These challenges aren’t just personal. They’re corporate. As a church, we face the same temptations to close ourselves off when we’re hurt.
We welcome people, but some reject our love or walk away angry when relationships don’t form instantly.
We help people in need, but some grow entitled and resent us when we set boundaries.
We speak the truth carefully, but some still get offended and leave — even posting harsh words online.
We serve sacrificially, but some never seem satisfied, no matter how much we give.
It’s exhausting. It makes us want to stop trying.
But two truths help us keep going:
1. Most People Are Grateful
The difficult cases feel louder than they are. The truth is, most people receive love with gratitude. Most listen and grow from the truth. Most are thankful for help and service. It’s just that the hurtful ones echo in our memory.
Before you give up because of one painful experience, pause and look around at all the people quietly thankful for your faithfulness.
2. Remember Why We Do It
We don’t love, share, speak, or serve because people are grateful. We do it because of what God has done for us.
How much good could we possibly do to equal the good He’s done for us?
What limit could we place on our gratitude when His grace knows no limit?
We serve others as a response to Him — not as a response to them.
What Happens When We Obey Anyway
Over time, something changes when we keep obeying, even when it’s hard.
Love becomes easier.
Kindness becomes more natural.
Mercy flows more freely.
Grace becomes our instinct.
It’s not because we become better people. It’s because God works in us as we obey. The Holy Spirit produces in us what we cannot produce on our own.
I can tell you from experience: it’s easier for me to love my church now, after years of hurt and disappointment, than it was ten years ago — not because I’m stronger, but because God has changed me through obedience.
A Call to Reopen Your Heart
Maybe you’ve closed yourself off. Maybe you’ve stopped loving, sharing, speaking kindly, or serving because it hurts too much.
It’s time to open back up.
Not because people won’t hurt you again — they might.
Not because they deserve it — they might not.
But because you’re not doing it for them. You’re doing it for Him.
How to Live This Out
Here’s how Peter’s instructions translate into daily life:
Love with effort. Choose unconditional, active love even when it’s hard.
Share what you have. Treat the people around you like honored guests.
Speak as if you speak for God. Use your words to build up, not tear down.
Serve willingly. Rely on God’s strength and aim for His glory.
And most importantly:
Do it for Him, not them. Make God your motive — whether as a response to His grace (the carrot) or out of reverence for His authority (the stick).
Final Thoughts
The Christian life is full of commands that are difficult to follow. But obedience becomes possible when our motivation is right.
We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).
We serve because He served us first (Mark 10:45).
We speak carefully because we represent Him (2 Corinthians 5:20).
We share because everything we have came from Him (James 1:17).
If we root our obedience in Him — not in the worthiness or response of others — we’ll not only endure, we’ll grow. And God will produce in us the love, grace, and strength we need to keep going.
So love deeply. Share generously. Speak wisely. Serve faithfully.
And do it — not for them — but for Him.
